Reflections on Art and Friendship

One of the most profound relationships in the human experience is that of a deep friendship. Before we even have a firm grasp of language we learn what it means to be a friend, and as we grow, so does our understanding of the preciousness of these connections. Some of us are blessed to have met a kindred spirit who planted themselves so deeply in our hearts that they will stay there forever.

There is a powerful time in a true friendship that is so unique and bonding that it forges a lifelong connection between two people regardless of time passed or miles between them. It often occurs closer to the beginning of a friendship, but not before there is some time behind it so trust has a firm foothold. And it is this trust that allows the next, most profound phase of the friendship to occur – the part that links up these two hearts and souls for life.

It’s actually hard to describe what this connection feels like or what it means for me. It seems it is only in reflection that I can identify the essence of this experience and its ultimate purpose. I recently revisited an old picture of me with my best friend of many years and I was immediately reminded of this precious time and what it all means.

When two friends meet that are meant for each other – like married couples are meant for each other – they feel compelled towards this connection. It’s as if their individual energies become amplified through this union. Two women joining together and empowering the other through their trust and love. Perhaps men feel this too, but I know with certainty that women cherish this aspect of their friendships, especially the ones closest to them.

I believe it is because of their unwavering trust and commitment to each other that this occurs. Each one is stronger for that support, knowing that they are not alone with their feelings, needs, and hopeful desires. Each feels heard, seen, understood, and greatly valued. Like all relationships there are moments of grace, alongside moments of conflict. In fact the closer their connection becomes, the more likely it is that conflict may occur. This, again, is a function of that firmly established trust.

Conflicts or challenges between lifelong friends are steadied by their trust. There is an embedded assumption that they will always work things through and that the conflict arose because of how much they care about each other. It simply becomes a conversation that brings them even closer, as they clear away any obstacles that are preventing a deeper intimacy. This type of relationship to conflict is mindfully approached, understood for its true value, and never avoided or left to go underground, as that would not be in agreement with what this friendship stands for – the commitment to each other's growth and wellbeing.

As time passes they travel further together in their trust and connection to the deeper purpose and meaning in their relationship with each other. They allow more and more of their authentic selves to show up in the relationship which is immediately met with acceptance and love. As they see and honour each other’s value and worth, at times beyond what is even possible for the individual, they provide one of the most beautiful gifts one human being can give to another – the gift of reflected worthiness. Each one trusting the other to reflect back to them the truth of who they are. This exchange is what amplifies their individual power – they are stronger together, both in friendship and in their lives independent of the friendship. They carry this empowerment with them and it colours all that they do.

For many artists their relationship with other artists can offer something very similar, if there is an abiding trust and respect for the individual. This requires that they set competition aside and dedicate themselves to the commitment that other close friendships experience – trust and an investment in each other’s wellbeing. It’s a rare gift to find this, and one that should be cherished for all that it offers.

But there is another place that I believe that this type of deep trust can be found for artists, and through which they can become empowered in ways that will endlessly support their unique needs. That place resides within their relationship with their art. Just as a close friendship affords us a safe place to grow and deepen our connection to self, our art-making can offer us the same. There is simply a need to trust and commit to this relationship in the same way we would to our best friend or romantic partner – with deep abiding faith and a willingness to meet the challenges that may arrive. 

Artists are frequently in conflict with their work – as they often describe it. This is experienced as the work not going well, meeting them where they are, or allowing their vision to be fully exacted into form. Frustration arrives, negative internal dialogues ensue, and before they know it they feel hopeless and lost. This is when they most need to trust, but they may not know what they are trusting or how that trust will guide them forward in the work. It feels more like a problem to be solved or a personal failing of their own, as they struggle to move out of the discomfort that has met them.

But imagine how different it would feel to have the type of relationship with your art-making that you have with your closest friend. Imagine knowing that art, like your dear friend, wants you to grow and be empowered through your connection. What if art, like your truest friendships, was reflecting back to you your worth and simultaneously challenging you to clear away what doesn't serve you – like your criticism, your mistrust of the process, and your need for assurances? What if your art could meet you where you are, accept you fully, and guide you forward to being even more of who you are?

Alternatively, how differently would you respond to your art-making if you treated your art just as you would a cherished friend – with respect, kindness, and devotion? And how might this change the dynamics of the challenges you face when making your work? What if those conflicts you experienced were not met with frustration, but a commitment to a conversation that brings clarity and deepens the intimacy of that relationship? What if you showed up for your art in the way you do for your dearest friend – ready to give and willing to trust that you’ll both be better for the time spent together?

I think our relationships, especially our closest ones, have so much to teach us. We are relational beings after all, and are we not in a form of relationship when we make our art? Can we not benefit from embracing that relationship as a vehicle for our continued growth and development? Art-making can be our constant companion, our trusted guide as we navigate the inner terrain of self. It can reflect back to us who we are and how we experience ourselves. It can show us where we are holding back and where we are expansive. It requires the same depth of trust that we extend towards our closest relationships, without which we can’t find our way with the work.

Make friends with your art-making and capture that essence of empowered wellbeing through deep devoted connection and trust. You’ll find both grace and conflict there, and all of it will be in service to your growth as an artist. 

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