REST, RECOVERY, AND RECLAMATION

As one year closes and another begins I like to pause for a deep rest. This means turning inward, reflecting and aligning with the quietude that restores my energy. I’ve come to know how essential this is for me and, more importantly, that I can give myself the permission I need to choose what I know is right for me.

While some would suggest that I’d better serve my business and the social media algorithms by staying engaged and consistently posting and sharing, I know the choice to not take a break would not serve me well, and would leave me untethered and drained.

I have learned that I can not be of service to others in the ways that my heart desires if I don’t serve myself first. 

This piece of wisdom was a hard one for me to learn, and requires constant recommitment on my part. I still catch myself thinking that I “should” be doing more, or that I am missing out on opportunities and losing connections by choosing to retreat to myself. I can be swept up in an inner tug-of-war at times, especially when I look outward and see so many working hard to be seen in the ever-changing online arena we engage with as artists, coaches, and teachers.

I clearly remember when this message – one I desperately needed to hear – was delivered to me in a way that I could not ignore. At the time I felt confused by it, and stunned by the fact that the person delivering it to me could so easily see through all my constructs. 

It was many years ago on a group retreat that the bell was rung for me by an insightful and powerful guide and teacher. Our group was being guided in discussion by a woman who was leading us in a process of reconnection and attunement. In our initial introduction to her, she moved from person to person asking them what they brought with them to this session and what they most wanted to know or give to themselves. 

As each person shared, she responded back and offered words of acknowledgment and guidance. It felt as if she was meeting everyone with an open heart, giving them a gift of true value in that short exchange. As I witnessed that I became aware of my own desire to be supported in the same way, and looked forward to my turn. I knew what I most needed to share and ask.

Finally, her eyes fell upon me and she asked, “What have you brought with you today? What question might you want to answer?” I replied, “I am struggling with how to be of service to others, while still serving myself.” 

Without hesitation she simply stated, “You can’t. You can only serve yourself.” 

I felt a wave of humiliation wash over me. What did she mean by that? Maybe I didn’t offer the question in the right way? Everyone else seemed to get an acknowledgment of the worth of their question, the value of their inquiry, and I wasn’t feeling that for myself. I felt called out for some misperception of my own purpose. 

So, I asked again in a different way – naively thinking she hadn’t understood my question. “I’m not sure I understand. I have always known that it is my life’s purpose to serve others in some way. And, while I love doing that work and supporting others, I find I am often left without anything for myself, I am depleted, and I suffer as a result. If this is what I am meant to do, then why am I not nourished by it? How can I do this work, and also be able to give to myself?”

Again, she looked me squarely in the eye and repeated, “You can only serve yourself. That is how you can serve others.” 

There was nothing further offered to me – no soft words of encouragement or validation – and I felt the burning of holding back tears. What does she know? Why is she being so firm with me? I felt singled out and as if I had been cut adrift. She moved on to the next person, leaving me to sit with her words.

As we moved along in the process we were there to experience, her words silenced me, and my heart broke open. I felt like there were parts inside of me moving into place as others were falling away. I knew at that moment that I had to make a very difficult choice and that everything that was happening was in support of that choice. It meant that I needed to take a self-serving action that would offer me what I most needed, while leaving others to figure out a path forward without my help. I had to let go and do what was best for me, despite the voices in my head telling me I’d no longer be loved, accepted, or of any value to anyone if I did.

This was a watershed moment for me.

As painful as that group experience was, it was incredibly powerful. It was exactly what I needed, even if it didn’t feel that way at the time. As I reflect back on it now, I realize that she knew that the only way I would hear her words was if they were clear and direct, not coddled in validation and gentle acknowledgments. I needed to be shaken up to wake up to what was happening to me, and for me. It was like a cosmic 2x4 was hitting me squarely where I needed to be struck, and it hurt…but only for a while. 

From that point on everything changed and I bravely made the decisions that needed to be made. It was one of the most valuable lessons I have been given, and for which I am deeply grateful.

Today, I still have to bob and weave through the delicate inner battles that can arrive for me when I consciously choose myself over trying to be everything to everyone. Old patterns, often deeply imprinted in our youth, can be challenging to overcome. But her words – those potent words of wisdom and truth – are still with me many years later. When I most need them, they break through the noise of my “task-master mind” that still believes that to be loved, accepted, safe, and valued, I must choose others before I choose myself. 

As 2025 begins I recommit to serving myself once again. I don’t always do it perfectly each year, but I recommit again and again. That is what matters most – that we begin again with our intentions and commitments, even if we have failed at them in the past. 

Social media can wait, as can everything else, until I have served myself the rest, recovery, and reclamation that I need at this time. 

In filling up my cup, by giving to myself what I most need to receive, I am better able to serve those I am so passionate about supporting. I am also better able to make my art, which is my sacred gift to myself and to any others that enjoy my work.

If you follow me perhaps you have noticed my ebbs and flows of output over the years, and perhaps now, with what I have shared, you have a deeper appreciation for why I choose to honour my own algorithm rather than Instagram’s. And, perhaps this read will invite you to reflect on your own path to serving, supporting, and sharing – how would it feel to know that you can only serve yourself? What might shift for you if that were your truth? What might you need to come to understand about yourself to be able to give more freely to yourself?

Thank you so very much for being a part of my online community, and for always offering your kindness to me as I share with you. I truly value each artist that I get the opportunity to work with, along with all of you who read my posts, who comment, like, and share with me. It means so much, and I am so grateful that you wait patiently to hear from me once more.

May 2025 bless everyone for the highest good of all.

Prefer to listen? Click on the link below to listen to and/or download the audio version of this Blog post.